~established in spring 1999~

LAST UPDATED ON 7.17.08

Quote Rules:

*  Quotes cannot be suggested to me, I must witness them.  This is why it is MY quote collection and not yours.
*  I do not quote myself unless told to.  I cannot be the sole judge on the things that I say.
*  Quotes can strike at any time.  I choose quotes that strike me the right way at the right time.  It's a random process that has no scientific explanation.
*  Last but not least, there are always exceptions to every rule!

"I'll be back with clothes on"    ...Jeremy

"How the fuck am I supposed to eat this shit if it wont stop moving!"   ...Jessica in "The Insane Trip"

"I better practice that reverse shit."  ...Jessica

"Make sure you shut the towel"   ...Bananny to Ben

"One never knows the technology of an orange."  ...Bananny

"Could you shutup for a sec?  I'm on the edge of a breakthrough."   ...Anthony

"Is this kool-aid cherry?"  "No, it's cashed"   ...Bree & Bananny

"You don't need to cough if your head itches!"   ...Jacob

"Pass me the fo-ty yo!" ...Anthony   

"That was my toe, thanks for noticing."  ...Bananny to Anthony

"My tail doesn't have a dick!"  ...Anthony    

"He's got fish in his pockets!  He's a psycho!"  ...Angie

"I feel like fuck, but I'm ok."  ...Zach      

"Zach, how do you spell your name?"  "H."   ...Bananny & Zach

"Oh!  I can take his neak off!"   ...Bananny                         

   "BEER!"   ...Zach

"You're in my optimal computer zone out place!"   ...Annie to Dave B.

"mmmmm.....it's cold."   ...Annie to Angie

"You can be sober? ...Wow!"   ...Chris (a.k.a. Tall Bitch)    

"Live your life like a work of art."  ...The Sidewalk

"It's the good candy!"   ...Nathaniel

"there ain't nothin' else to do... Might as well fuck around in the bathroom" ...John (a.k.a. O.J.)

"All you need is a stupid person with weed and a lighter" ...O.J.

"Don't ask me anything important for the rest of the night!"   ...Bananny

"LOOK AT MY PUSSY!"   ...Angie    

                         "(loogie)...Hi Ang."   ...Zach    

"Let's go upside and outstairs."   ...Angie

"I like spiders."   "That's 'cause you're weird."  ...Bananny & Tara    

"I love this hillbilly shit!"   ...Bananny

"Don't worry, it'll be a mess, it's fine."   ...Dr. Rita Kiefer

"I got 2 different socks on.....no I don't....cool."   ...Cory  (a.k.a.  Irish)

"What number am I on?"   ...Zach       

"Boom...ha ha ha."   ...Irish & Bananny (in unison)

"Kick Cory's ass at the sign!"   ...The Wyoming Crew

"We have no choice but to party like the animals we are!"
. . .Ted, Front Man for Shakedown Street (Grateful Dead cover band)

"So you could think about being in a sandwich with condoms."   ...Jesse G.

"Thou shalt be arachnid esse'."   ...Jesse G.

"Man, that's some durable plastic!"   ...Tall Bitch

"Fuck Yea!"   ...Angie & Mike (in unison)

"You threw my hand across the room...I WANT IT!"   ...Angie

"I just wanted a body high...I didn't know this shit was THAT good."   ...Mike

"In my tribe, it is a sign on honor."   ...Bananny

"If you imagine it right, it tastes like chocolate chip pancakes."   ...Tara

"That taste didn't hit very well."   ...Robert      

"Shakespeare was a fuckin' pervert!"   ...Bananny

"What a dork!"   ...Bananny & Angie (in unison)

"It's blue sparkly bad ass purple shit."   ...Raymond

STONER JOKE...
"How many people does it take to walk 3 feet and get the iced tea?   ...3, Bananny, Mike & David."   ...Mike

"DO NOT mix alkaseltzer and weed man!"   ...Tall Bitch

"It looks like pocket lint."   ...Joshee

"Have you ever realized how odd it is to be you?"   ...Angie

"It's like walking out on stage and looking out at the audience and seeing these big eyes that say 'fill me with knowledge, enlighten me."  ...That's what I want."    ...Mikey

"I've done a lot of thinking, and now I don't know what to think."   ...Bananny

"It's complicated.......Fuck!"   ...Kyle                    "I want to pet you! ....(rolled her tongue) "   ...Angie

"Orange & Green just don't trade dude.  It's like trading an ace for a 2."   ...Mike

"Tonight I'm gonna dream about rollin' the night away and sitting by the river watching the moon spit out clouds while I listen to the band jam off on Franklin's Tower as I dance the night away into an emotional drum circle.  That my friend, is true happiness right there."   ...Bananny

"We were in my dramatic lit class and we were writing things on paper..."   ...Angie

"I'd walk up there and stick a trumpet up his ass!"   ...Tall Bitch

"Because it's Tuesday and it's 2:00 in the morning."   ...Bananny

"Hey, I'm nuts!  But I know you know!"   ...Angie

"Just because you're Italian it doesn't make you exempt dipshit."   ...Justin

"I want to go on Fanatic  and meet Scooby Doo."   ...Danny

"You know those people that just make your brain hurt?"   ...Tara

"People don't usually talk about this, but since you were talking about it..."   ...Jacob

"Yea, mines just a stub."   ...Danny

"Think of it as a bad trip, it's not real."   ...Angie

"I feel..............really drunk."   ...Bananny

"Thou shalt not....I dunno, there's 10 of them."   ...James

"Have you been spooned lately?"   ...Claire

"You guys are incredibly strange people."   ...Shane        

"I'm drunk!  I'm drunk!  (Hiccup) ...he he he."  ...Drunk guy @ the smoking bar @ Denny's

"You act like I can take a hit like a man!"   ...Dewayne

"You little weirdo!  Get your pee pee out of me!"  ...Jenna

"I feel so.....Fluffy!"   ...Fuji

"2's company, 3's a crowd, 4's just fun!"  ...Quis

"That was cool...Jym running from inanimate objects."   ...Quis

"Are you straight?"  "Like a pretzel!"   ...Dewayne

"apparently, I have no thing in my brain."  ...Quis

"That fucker needs ridalin."   ...Kenny                

"This chick right here is a true hippie chick... Pulled her shirt right over her head, no bra on, and she smelled like patchouly."   ....Jimmy Palmer (the man that gave me my first tattoo)

"If Frank Zappa was a woman, I'd fuck him!"  ...Daniel

"Would she take a credit card?"  ...Jeff

"He's gotta check the one in his ass now."  ...Joshee

"The ummmm....The Zoo!"  ...Angie

"You know what this is?  This is the first foot you've ever seen flipping you off!"  ...Jym

"Yea you tall ass mother fucker!"  ...Bananny & James in unison to Jym

"What's the point of this drum?  It doesn't make any noise."  ...James

"That's not supposed to go there!" ...Bananny

"Before I was a woman, I was a man!"  ...tweeked out Kenny

"You get sick of being sick of being there."  ...Ernie   

"I may be a bitch, but I'm a trooper!"  ...Marty

"It's Denny's... There's nothing else open."  ...Jimmy

"How did you pull that off?"  "My charm, my wit, her stupid ass..."  ...Bananny & Jenna

"Ooh, I'm vibrating!"  ...J.D.

"math is like music to me, only it's a lot fucking harder to play."  ...Josh

"I love you!  I love you!  If I was straight I'd marry you!"  ...J.D. to Bananny

"You have two legs." "But they're stoned."   ....Annie & Kenny

"Don't You Worry, I'll get loud in a minute!"   ...Bananny

"At least I'm a slut with some taste!"  ...Jenna

"Forget the tape, just lick n' stick!"   ...Jenna

"As long as you're enjoying it I don't care."   ...Bea

"5 more minutes in that room with him and I would have showed him who the big daddy was!"   ...Jenna

"I like the green light on the table."  "But there's no green light." "Yea there is."  ...Annie Bananny and a shroomed out Lucky.

"WHO'S YOUR DADDY!?!"  ...DENNY'S GRAVEYARD CREW (Jean, Jenna, Dewayne, Terry, Benet, and Myself)

"We're loud motherfuckers and we travel in heards."   ...Bananny

"Let me go you horny waitress!"   ...Dewayne to Jenna

"WE MAKE FUCK!"   ...Gerald

"I can't believe that Ernie gave me 10 bucks.  It's like prepaying for sex."   ...Jenna

"It's like somebody commin' up to me speakin' Germanese or something."   ...Jenna

"Because you're not in the right state of mind to be making tempurature judgements."   ...Dave B.

"You cannot watch certain movies on certain drugs."  ...Dewayne

"I've gotta go to Waterworld on Mushrooms!"  ...Raymond

"I hate that fag techno.....I may be a fag, but I like my techno manly."   ....Gerald

"I'm just a ramblin' Nate Dawg." ...Nathaniel

"You know....this weekend I really learned the value of drinking beer for breakfast."   ...Bananny

"My brain did not agree with that."  ...Codi

"cumbaya my lord, cumbaya Where's my fucking pants!" ...Dan

"I Have Oversized Penis!" (acronym for I.H.O.P.)   ...Jeff

"Uranus is out of control man!"   ...Jeff

"I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.  Here I am, mackin' on two very fine gentlemen at the same time!"

...Bananny to Kevin & John

"This thingamajigy is good for all kinds of watchamacalits."   ...John

"I don't want to watch, I want to participate."  ...Nick

"I'm going to buy this world."  "With what?"  "My mind."  ...Eric & Annie

"Water!  That ain't got no alcohol in it!"   ...Tim

"I didn't whine or cry!"  ...Alissa (my 4 year old 2nd cousin at the end of my cousins wedding)

"I can feel my brain working, I just don't know exactly what it's doing."  ...Bananny

"You can pick up hookers in a video game?!"  ...Nick

"This fuckin loser just wanted to piss on the bar."   ...Jeff

"Daddy can I have 3 puppies?"  ...little girl at the hot springs

"You've got to re-un-fuck it."  ...N8

"Just remember to bring your vasaline to work."  ...Lonna

"I'm gonna butt fuck you in the face."   ...Jarrod

"My name is bitch, wont you be my neighbor?"   ...Ben M.

"You gotta have 'wick' gotta have 'wick wick wicky' balls.  I want it to sound just like that."  ...Dave B.

"I'd slap you with my dick, but I need my hands."   ...Jeff

"Should we go home soon?" "As soon as I stop bleeding."   ...Bananny & Dave B.

"It's with all the naughty bad sex stuff."  ...Chandra

"MIDGET CHICKS WITH DICKS!  MIDGET CHICKS WITH DICKS!"   ...Matt Z. & Dave E.

"I'm gonna flush it."  ...Jeff

"Those breath mints don't go good with beer dude."  ...Jesse H.

"I'm gonna put some fucking pants on... OW!"  ...Matt Z.

"My Uranus would be so not cold."  ...Jesse Hoylander

"That's the most fun I ever had puking."  ...Angie

"What the fuck, whatever, right?"  ...Bananny

"Annie, I am so happy that I have captain crunch right now."  ...Dave E

"Are you sure this isn't part two?"  ...Rod

"Want some fucking Ice Hole?!?!"  ...Rod

"Shut the fuck up Than."  "But he didn't say anything."  "I know, but he will!"   ...Dave E. & Bananny

"Wyoming is closed."    ...Channel 4 news on the blizzard of 2003

"I felt no need to close my pants."  ...Linnea

"If I don't want to work, I ask for the day off.  If I don't get it off, I call in sick."  ...Tara

"...and I was like 'fuck you grandma!'"   ...Linnea

"That dude is so off key."   ...Bananny

"I get to be the guy with the chainsaw."   ...Pat

"Do we have to wear clothes?"   ...Amy

"Then this crowd of neon day-glow fuckwads show up and ruin everything."   ...Kurt

"A# and Bb are the same goddamn note!"   ...Bananny

"...and then there were peters flying everywhere!  That's just not right dude!"   ...Jesse Hoylander

"If it quacks like a dick, then it's a duck."   ...Jeff

"What's the chivalry in riding mutated chickens?"   ...Pat

"It's so hot I'm gonna sweat the black off of me!"   ...Courtney

"There are open ones that are already open."   ...Daddy

"My nose is not ruggin."   ...Koni

"Japan? Hell yea! Nothing better than crazy golf-obsessed we-love-america-but-secretly-wait-for-the-return-of-the-empire-of-the-sun slant-eyed hardworking people driving around in cars with engines built sideways in invisibility cloaks and power suits screaming at each other so fast not even they can understand! Rock! Can we take the De Lorean?"   ...Pat

"See if I take you for a ride in my flying Delorean now asshole!"   ...Bananny

"Even positive people get sad sometimes."   ...Bananny

"Once you get inside this head there's no going back baby!"   ...Kurt

"I finally met my grandma's dealer!"   ...Anonymous

"You haven't gone to Wal-Mart until you've gone to WAl-Mart."   ...Dave S.

"And I can blow shit up easily!"   ...Anonymous

"I want my marijuana ice cream and I want it now dammit!"   ...Charlotte

"Does each state have an area code?  I don't really understand this whole area code thing."   ...Angie

"Something fundamentally giddy hit me in the bathroom."   ...Kurt

"Did you just meow at your weed?"   ...Bananny

"He know I'm a bitch!  A beautiful Individual that causes hard-ons!"   ...C.J.

"Why can't we just be like dogs?  Fuck, and get it over with."   ...Jennifer

"I discovered a new form of ass pain today."   ...Kurt

"We're going to save the world!"  "Alright, but I need to get gas first."   ...Pat & Bob O

"They're not watching TV, they're watching music."   ...Bananny

"You know Socrates?  He actually pisses me off."   ...Angie

"Nobody wants to fuck with a naked guy.  Especially an armed one."   ...Pat

"Your Grandpa was in a porno?!?"   ...Bananny

"So go dig your spaghetti out of the ground then."   ...Kris

"You know 'cause I'm a real smart talker and all."   ...Angie

"I'm high as a kite and my teeth are orange, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!"   ...Bananny

"I'd screw Rod Roddy."  "You would?!?" "No."   ...Angie & Bananny

"When life hands you lemonade, add vodka."   ...Steve (Daddy)

"I have no problem with being annoying."   ...Bananny

"What can I say?  I'm a hardworking slacker."   ...Pat

"I'm sorry sir, but you're a dumbass.  Due to this, I have added our customary $10 dumbass fee to your account."   ...Bananny

"I'm seriously telling my stomach to fuck off, I went to taco bell last night, coupled with lots of coffee and donuts this morning, should piss it off nicely."   ...Pat

"You'll fall into my deep pit of deepness."   ...Daniel       "The Matrix is a big ol' fuckin tool video."   ...Daniel

"Professional Anderson!"   ...Dave E.

"I will be celebrating a plethora of swear words."   ...Steve (Daddy)

"The things you can do with rubber."   ...Josi

"We had a not-a-party party."   ...Nick

"I wish there were Cheez-it's in there."   ...Brendon

"Bananny's Flea Market: We don't just sell crap, we sell crap you can't live without"   ...Pat

"It's hard to bother a disturbed person."   ...Pauly Walnuts

"Love, ha!  All you need is Dumbasses!"   ...Pat

"Well, I don't so I won't and I can't so I'm not gonna."   ...Bananny

"Friends that whack each other back each other."   ...Kurt

"I'm gonna bring a suitcase full of drugs out there."   ...Beth

"I was busy defending the world against the evils of peanut butter and pickles, ugh horrible combination."   ...Nelson

"That's fucked up.  I should have kept hanging out with those losers."   ...Paul

"Sometimes I like it hard."   ...Angie

"They should have put about 6 cherries in there."   ...Dave E.

"It's your birthday now drink the champagne!"   ...Anne

"My Dad was right.  Pretend you're stupid and people will help you."   ...Bananny

"Their computers must exist in some entirely different dimension where everything is somebody else's fault."   ...Pat

"I'm so tired!  I can't finnish what I didn't start."   ...Paul

"Only at your house is there a bong going around the dinner table."   ...Dave S.

"If it ain't 180 BPM, I don't wanna listen to it."   ...Pat

"The dude radiates dick."   ...Pauly Walnuts

"I'll get a mic and attach it to my crotch. Then when I wear vinyl pants I can do the nutscratch!"   ...Pat

"It's Monday!  We're going to the liquor store!"   ...Travis T.

"I hate mother nature, she's a snatch."   ...Pauly Walnuts

"I'm wasting valuable cheese!"   ...Dave S.

"It's hard to be gay without a butt."   ...Rick L.

"You wanna hear something odd?  My car always smells good."   ...Jamaul

"Q-U-A-N-G-O and Quango was it's name-o!"   ...Bananny, Jamaul & Travis T

"You better get used to that position bitch!"   ...Some guy @ The Church

"It's not like we have a raging pile of party."   ...Carol

"I'm 24, not 21.  I know better!"   ...Terry

"I'm gonna pass out before I fall asleep."   ...Terry

"Well I have music on... and there are hicks everywhere."   ...Nea

"NO! ...oh, well yeah..."   ...Dave S.

"My brain is awake, but I'm not!"   ...Bananny

"It's like licking a Christmas tree!"   ...Dave S.

"I'm a nympho with a conscience."   ...Bananny

"Vegetables are just stupid animals."   ...Pat

"Flip it... Fliiiip it!"   ...Dave B.

"PLUR died the second someone slapped it on a shirt."   ...Nick

"If you weren't so bald I'd punch you."   ...Joe

"I ain't gonna heimlich that ass."   ...Pat

"Hey (your name here),

I am sorry I couldnt make it to (club name here) but I (random lame excuse here). Im sure you rocked it proper and I wish I could of seen (random DJ name here)!!! I will make sure to def catch your next set at (random club name here). I'll even buy you a couple shots of (your favorite liquor here)!!! Hope to catch ya out soon, take care!"   ...Opus

"I've gotta reval in my own greatness right now."   ...Pat

"I need a burrito....... Really fuckin' bad!"   ...Dave S.

"That is so gay... Gay with a capitol H... Ga-Hey."   ...Bananny

"It's cold in here and I'm too lazy to put on pants."  ...Linnea

"I lost my job, now sex me up and what not."   ...Bananny

"...and then I'd have to go endanger myself recklessly and then I'd feel better."   ...Travis J.

"You done passed the wierdo limit."   ...Dave S.

"Cool, now I just need a memorial plaque to be carved ad bejeweled in my honor and people can see it for a small fee."   ...Bill

"We may not have a whole lot of brain cells... but when we put them all together, they work."   ...Dave S.

"Well you know...  You're an idiot."   ...Warren

"If I could have found my pants I would have kicked their ass!"   ...Blotto

"I gotta lube up my finger for your ear hole."   ...Terry

"Is this real?  ...OW!"   ...George

"I told you to put the nug in the shwag, not the shwag in the nug!"   ...Terry

"Two of these bottles are in spanish..."   ...Matt R.

"I will not take anything blue anymore!"   ...Marshant

"Kazmos is feeling too much like home.  Pat's passed out in the bathroom."   ...Dave S.

"Dude, do you know how long it took us to pry you off the gross toilet to put you on the less gross toilet?"   ...John C.

"Yeah, prolly will be shaving that stupid cat later this evening around 6 or so, but will be back tonight."   ...Jim

"I've had to wear pants and shoes since I got home and I'm not happy."   ...Nate

"They tend to be easily distracted by blinking noisy things."   ...Kurt

"Sometimes I sleep with a record I love and dry-hump it in my bed."   ...Brandon K.

"I'd love to kick her in the nuts, but she doesn't have any. I wanna tell her to take her fuckin' happy pills and stick 'em where the sun don't shine!"   ...Pauly Walnuts

"Oh Shit!  Now I've got vodka all over my pee pee."  ...Jim

"I had a plur containment module attached to me."  ...Jim

"Getting a website up is 31 flavors of pain in the ass."   ...Erin

"Oh, Grandma's here.......... shit."   ...Steve (Daddy)

"I could have had broken glass all over my nuts and weed everywhere."  ...Dave S.

"It was one of those things that the whole time you are doing it you think 'this is probably not a good idea...' but you keep doing it anyway."   ...Erin

"Could you like go slow or something cuz I'm like from the south."   ...C.Brown

"I'm gonna inject her with plur!"   ...Andrew

"I still cant believe you bit Dale's ass."   ...Meeko

"Club hopping?  Why don't we just get a bunch of booze and go to one place?"   ...Blotto

"Yeah, going to the bathroom is healthier than smoking."   …Bananny

"I don't know what kind of a sound a panda makes, but I could wake up to it!" …Meagan

"This is a fine piece of underwear!" ...Nea

"Is my ass gonna vibrate?"   ...Karen

"You gotta hear that shit when it's wet!"   ...Dave E.

"Yeah I'm an asshole, but I'm an asshole with fries!"   ...Pat

"I'm sorry, I can't watch my fucking language when there's no beef!"   ...Math You

"I don't care, drag queens are fuckin' hot!"   ...Brad Dumbass

"I just remembered we're having fish tonight."   ...Jonathan K.

"Don't make me cut you over a cashew."   ...Charisse M.

"Right now I wish I was a fucking sticker."   ...Nate (Ishe)

"I haven't seen anyone black out from alcohol like that since it was me."   ...Pat

"C'mon!  I love feeling like I'm in a Jetta commercial!"   Lauren M

"If I was a lesbian, I'd be into dildos."   ...Jesse G.

"He's the smartest dumbass I know!"   ...Dale

"My skin doesn't feel normal."   ...Bananny

"Do you think I'm mean?  Is that because the truth hurts?"  …Brian C.

"Obviously, in your little world you think this is ok."   …Joel P.

What? Something wrong with blow-ticklers?  …Jonathan K

"I think all of a sudden my ear is smaller today."  …Cheryl N

It doesn't matter if your eyes pop out.  As long as you're polite about it.  Lilian L.

"My skid marks will be her receipt."  …Repo Agent

"Well, I'm gonna go get me a hamburger and go home and kick the cat.  See ya later!"   Kathy G

"She told me I had to serve 45 Dales"   ...Bri

"Sorry, I was chugging."  …Johnny W

This shit is as smooth as a baby's penis. - Phenetic

I've never been in a midget hole, black toe, camel house before. - Josh